man, it has been some kind of year. i'm supposed to--like many people--look back upon things and reflect. i can do that. yes, i can. but if it means looking back on my blog and seeing what the heck was happening at this time last year, fat chance. at least not at this moment, because, well, because i want to write a little and not read. i'm sure, as it usually is the case, that i'll find out something revelatory and gasp aloud at how good God is. i'll save that experience to have later, and right now just enjoy the euphoria of expression. but based on just thinking about where i've been in the last year, i've got to say.
what a year, what a year.
i kicked off 2008 in grand fashion, and i did a lot of things i never thought i'd do. many of those things i'd blog about, many i wouldn't. many were public joys, many private. yeah, there was some pain and hurt also, but i see those spaces as valleys that precede an ascent up a mountain. so i've learned to appreciate what Iyanla calls the "Value in The Valley." man, she trademarked that one already, so i'll have to find another good title for a self-help book one day. i love good titles.
in 2008...
* i attended my first national championship game: Ohio State and LSU. that whole experience was insane. i had a lot of fun, though, and i learned why there will never be a championship playoff on that level of college football--too much money generated by the BCS. they can't take a chance on losing the revenue two big schools bring to a city like New Orleans. God forbid a Middle Tennessee State or a Troy or someone in the lower echelon of 1-A luck up and win a game in a playoff and end up in a BCS bowl. they might bring 15,000 people with 250 bucks each of spending money in their pockets to a city and fill up the motel six as opposed to bringing in 100,000 people who are dropping 100 dollar chips on the casino table with each roll and packing suites at the Waldorf, spreading money on the popular strip like it's water. that's what i learned.
* i saw the dichotomy in New Orleans between the jamming city life in the french quarter, and the still-empty wasteland of the lower 9th ward. i mean it was like night and day, and a humbling experience.
* i met and talked with an underdog candidate for the presidency named Barack Obama, in the basement of an arena in Ohio, in the aftermath of a blizzard. the dude was cool, calm, collected, down-to-earth, and outright motivating. he reminded me of the old days of my campus politics, and he made me remember the power of pulling together. i got back to the 'ville and started looking for buildings to take this cultural thing to another level.
* i learned the power of vision. i got together with some friends who had like minds, and with 300 bucks in the bank, my mortgage overdue, a car with the body of a honda and the engine noise of a chitty-chitty-bang-bang, we decided to build a theater. and we freakin' did it. did it.
* i learned the value of fatherhood, ups and downs. i became a full-time single dad. it's the best experience of life, but also the most challenging. i have to deal with the emotions of a teen daughter and try to communicate how much i love her even during the times she doesn't like me. yet i press on and persevere, because, hell, that's what parenting is all about. and i refuse to turn my back on it because it's easy to. it's worth the ups and downs. i learned that most of the people i know are responsible, loving fathers, and i'm coming short of cussing out people who tell me that black men are irresponsible. i don't hang out with those kind of cats, so i can't defend them.
* i've met brothers who are on point, hitting their marks, living their dreams through the struggle, and making things happen. i've made deals worth thousands and learned from people who've made millions. i've shared ideas with dreamers who reach into the sky and pull down clouds of inspiration and shape them into the bricks and mortar of reality, and been made all the better for it.
* i went back home, to Africa, in 2008. i went back to Kemet. to Egypt. this time, i learned even more than when i went over a decade ago. i saw the power in building for eternity and i meditated until weeping on what our people's future can hold.
* i saw my mother turn 80, and i helped my brother and sister throw a party in celebration of it. and i played the piano, and i sang my mother a song while she could see me and hear me, and i watched her marvelous flowing white and silver hair nod up and down in approval in a way that liberated me from any notion that one needs the world's accolades to survive. no, man. when your parents are proud of you, screw everything and everybody else. you cannot pay for an experience like that with money.
* i lost and gained in the world of love. i transitioned from a long relationship in a way that was not fun. as grateful as i am to have had the experience, i trust that the pain that came from its dissolution will ease with time. and as i venture forth into heretofore unexplored, unexplainable, free, unfettered lands of exploration and possibility, i'm buttressed by the notion that you CAN be who you are and find love and acceptance, as strange, odd, unique as you believe yourself to be. you can have what you want in this world; more importantly, you can have what you need. you're not alone. ever.
* i got ideas coming out of my ears and eyes and underarms and from between my toes and my fingertips like never before. the sense of freedom that 2008 brought me is irreplaceable. i'm steering quite clear of people who are naysayers. they kill ideas.
* i learned the power in surrounding yourself with like minded people. i learned this in an interesting way. people think the way you do this is by calling up people you THINK are like-minded or contacting people you THINK are where you want to be and saying "Hey, i want to hang out with you. i need to be in your circle. let me pick your brain," etc. hell no. that gets us nothing but a "yeah, right." the way you surround yourself is by doing you. the way you meet progressive people is by MAKING PROGRESS. the way you become a writer is by WRITING. the way you become a musician is by PLAYING. the way you become a performer is by PERFORMING. it's not about looking for someone else to provide you an opportunity. when i was a very young man, i was told the ancient wisdom, "When the student is ready, the Master will appear." it's true. it's true true true true true! i learned in 2008 that when you do your thing, you'll find yourself in a circle of people that are doing the same thing and you can mutually carry one another to another level. that's a powerful thing. you have different kinds of people: people with coats, and people who try to ride coat-tails. the former eventually take off their coats when they feel the tails are loaded up and the riders are stuck wherever they are left. the wearers keep going. why? because they know they'll get another coat eventually, so they are afraid to shed. i've seen this in action. i have a great friend who is in sales. she'll ALWAYS find a job, even in a "recession." why? because she's good at what she does. anyone that is good at what they do and is consistent will always be sought out.
* i learned that you never know how you affect people in the long term. i ran into a parent in a professional circuit who plays my children's cd for her kid to go to sleep to and has been for the last 3 or 4 YEARS. i was truly moved by that, so it made me to commit to getting it out there on a whole new level. yeah. doing that.
* i learned, today more than ever, that in my field, and the field of creative arts, Critics don't mean jack. think about it. critics can't stand Tyler Perry movies. they regularly chastise them as contrived with staple characters and lack of depth. and guess what? some of the critiques are on point--but it doesn't matter, because Tyler's audiences love his work and they support him regardless. that's why he's built a studio. love or hate him, he connected with the people. in Nashville, we have a former piano player who couldn't make it as a songwriter or performer in Nashville so he started writing music and theater reviews for an "alternative" publication. soon, he fancied himself a theater critic. before long, since there weren't many other theater writers in town, some people actually started believing he had a real opinion on theater. the fact is, the cat's opinions aren't formed by a strong knowledge of dramatic structure or metaphor or dialogue. if he sees a woman he thinks is cute or sexy in a play, he watches her the whole time and writes a glowing review. if he sees a man do something sexually-tinged in the performance, he does the same thing. if the theater company that produces the work treats him like his opinion means gold to them, more than the more realistic 2 week old bean burrito left on the kitchen counter during vacation time, he treats them really well--in an abusive way. for instance: he'll say really great things in one sentence, then trash them in another. it's psychological masturbation, and i've seen young actors stick their chest out in pride when he says something complimentary, not realizing that they are setting themselves up to be deflated when he gets the joy he receives from playing God and handing out his wrath.
the point is, 2008 proved what my teachers taught me in college. thanks to W. Dury "Daddy" Cox, and H. Deveraux Brady. heck, i even give the props to Lawrence James, Dr. Jamie and McDonald Williams, and Horace Hockett. why? because they taught me to strive to be EXCELLENT, not to please the critic. as a result, in 2008, we had NOT ONE MENTION in the wanna-be critic's column. he talked around us, over and under us, i even ran into him one day and gave him a packet on the building of the theater, the most significant event in black nashville's 100 year theater history, and today, when his selections for most significant events of 08 came out, was Amun Ra mentioned? of course not? did i expect it? of course not. i enjoy when we're NOT mentioned. why? because i know he gets every bit of information on what goes on with us, so he is trying his best not to acknowledge what's going on with a black company who values his opinions on black theater like we value the drywall dust we just swept out of our building.
so we have no ink in 2008 from this failed artist-turned-critic. we have no articles from him to hang on our wall or drink wine over. but what have we had:
- a growing audience of diverse people the likes of which has not been seen in Nashville
- a project that pulled together people from all theaters in town and all kinds of people from the business communities
- articles in the local and national media, including the Associated Press
- the blessing of donors, supporters, companies, board members, audience members, and others who believe in a mission that is bigger than one or two personalities and have turned that support into an institution that now exists to enable the dreams of a whole new arts generation.
and most of the people listed above don't even know who the critic guy is.
so it reinforces the notion that as artists, we need to spend our time doing excellent work, and connecting with our audience, reaching out to one another and sharing what we've learned with younger people who are up and coming. i've met some people like that in this year, and i've committed to share my resources in any way i can to help them get over any ism's that may have blocked me when i was on the "come up." it's our responsibility.
this message goes to any artist, in theater, in music, in painting, in dance. recall the scripture, "you know a tree by the fruit it bears." concentrate on bearing your fruit. do NOT. i repeat, do NOT put stock in the opinions of others, especially those who derive pleasure from knowing you put them on a pedestal. they will break your heart, but only because you put your heart in their hands. put your heart where it belongs: in your chest, where it can beat and power your limbs and your mind. then you have it protected in a space where it can help you live, thrive, then teach others how to empower themselves.
don't worry about "backlash." hell, when a critic's opinion is meaningless, and--in this case--has no bearing on the economics of your art whatsoever, you're the one holding the whip. ;-)
yeah, 2008 has been an amazing journey. and 2009 is going to be so much better. so i'll keep visiting this space and writing and sharing, in hopes that those other creative souls out there won't feel alone in their quest to understand themselves, their calling, and the world around them, and how to manifest their dreams while keeping their eyes on the prize and their hands on the plow.
i do have a feedback box, and my "resolution," is to talk more here, so give a hollah and i'll hollah back. happy new year.
