Speaking on Our Thoughts...

What a shame. Divorce and visitations are really hard on kids. It's hard to know what to do about situations like these, because everyone is grieving a loss. Obviously, lots of prayer needs to take place.

I think the most important thing that needs to take place is that the children need to feel secure and assured. Their environments are certainly not stable at this time, and it's important to provide stability anywhere possible -- stick with a schedule.

As for the children turning against Lawrence's significant other... First of all, Dad should probably have a talk with the kids to see what's going on. Could it be that now that Mom's available, they want Lawrence's girlfriend gone so their parents can get back together? Regardless of if this is it, he needs to determine why they're "turning against" her. It could be that Dad needs to have a talk with Mom to see what's going on. Maybe Mom's jealous and she's encouraging the kids to disrespect Lawrence's significant other. (Not sure if that is within the person's character or not) This needs to stop. Finally, Dad has to enforce some ground rules about respecting others. I'm not sure what type of behaviors that they are adopting, but it's important to understand the rules and abide by them. It's OK not to like someone...but it's quite another to act on that.

Just my eighty-two cents worth. :)
 

I’ve just tried to leave a message on your messageboard regarding the dvd of “the second chance” but it seems not working.
I was afraid that the DVD would have the same special features like the ones on the web site, but i am happily surprised. I like the deleted scenes and the documentary “beyond the making of …”. It’s not just a movie.
It has French subtitles, so i can show it to my folks back home.

Thanks to Steve Taylor, and you guys.

Peace
 

It is first important to understand that the perosn you are divorcing is not the same person that you married, and it is equally as important to realize that divorce is between the adults and not the children in any way or form. With that said, it would be important to make the children (and the adults in this case) come to this realization. The children needs to understand that all adults involved will love them even if they are not loving each other and that no part of the parting is, was or ever will be their fault.

Many times children think that their parents separating had something to do with them and that if they can get their parents back together then it would no longer be their fault. This is even true when the children know that the parents are not doing well together and is much better off apart. The guilt and shame of the divorce/separation is very difficult for the children to handle.

It is then left up to the adult to go on with life as though nothing has changed in their life, especially as far as the children are concerned. This means continuing the same schedule, routines etc. as much as possible. It also means introducing new people into the picture as slowly and gently as possible while still making and keeping time for the children as before. It may even mean making additonal time (or maybe even one-on-one time) for the children without the new person being present. It also mean the divorcing adults have to come to an understanding that the children are too important to be placed in the middle of their anger, guilt, frustration, need for love, misunstanding etc. and somehow speak to each other and about each other with kindness, especially in the presence of the children.

Depending on how long ago the divorce became final, a third party should understand that everyone has to greif and will do so in their own way. Divorce is a loss, just like death and must be greived as such. There is really no quick fix and with time the pain, hurt and rawness will ease up but may never go away.

So with all that said, each situation is different but pain will be present in all situations. I think that if the divorce was recent then the third party needs to be a little more tolerant than if the divorce was sometime ago. The third party also has to become a friend to the children and not try to be a parent in the frontline; and a co-parent to the adult on all lines. It is very difficult to blend families and we must take our time in doing so. Anything worth having is worth working for and being patient to attain.